The New Routine!

I have a good life! I often don't understand why! When I tell people this, they say its because I'm a good person......but there are many good people in the world, many better then I, who have horrible lives!  None the less, I've been feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything I have! 

I'm back in the city! As much as I miss the country, I am glad to be back! I do enjoy my comfy bed, the food I'm provided, doing more jiu jitsu, and playing with the boys! The boys have changed so much over the summer! Now I can have actual conversations with them, since their English has greatly improved. They also grew a lot taller!

And now all three go to school! 

This has changed my routine a lot, because now I don't have a child to entertain all day long. Instead, I clean the house, look after the dogs, and do odd jobs (ex.painting the fence).

I've recently discovered the joys of audio books! Its been really nice to listen to them as I work! They keep my mind busy as I do routine jobs, that eventually get boring (like painting the fence!). It's strange going into my second year of not going to school, and I feel like I got to keep my brain active! Jiu jitsu really helps with this, and I am starting to treat it like a school subject! I write a journal entry of what I've learned every night, and am starting to watch you tubes on it during my lunch breaks. The audio books also help too! I've been listening to books on writing, faith, and then a few fantasy novels (I love fantasy!). If any of you have suggestions on good books, let me know!

Anyhow, I still am going back to the farm occasionally! It feels like being released from a cage, as I leave the city! I was so happy to see everyone the day I came back. They have become like family, and I'm thinking of going back to live there after Africa. 

Denver and I this week!

 It's already mid September! It's weird how fast time flys! Only two and a half months left here....seems so short! 

Went home to see my grandma briefly, since she is heading back to B.C! I'm going to miss her lots!

 Its an exciting week ahead though! I might just be visited by someone I've really missed! 

Sierra might be coming over! It's been too long!

Change

Change.....it happens to everyone, everywhere, and everything. I usually don't mind change, but over the summer, it hit me hard at times!

Particularly when it came to things ageing! Over the summer, two horses died of old age at the horse farm. I usually can handle animal deaths quit well, especially after working at a wildlife centre, but these horses were different somehow! You could really feel their absence...it changed the whole spirit of the place!

 Then their was my dog, Boo. When I came home for a bit this summer, I could see age creeping up on him as well! He is still healthy, but he can't run 5km with me anymore. It's made me realise that I need to cherish the years I still have left with him, because he isn't getting any younger!

I have felt change in myself too! When Hannah came to stay for three weeks at the farm, I was so happy to have someone I could call my family living with me. I never used to care a whole lot about seeing my family! I just wanted to get away! lol. However, when my family drove away from the farm to take Hannah back home, it took all I had to not breakdown! This feeling of being left behind just kept gnawing away at my stomach. I quickly ran to the barn loft, and cried where no one could see me! I know it was stupid to feel that way! I was the one who chose to leave home, they didn't make me, but in that moment I began to realise that I actually miss my family sometimes!

Hannah riding Rebel

Hannah and my other student! It was a pleasure to teach them how to ride!

 At the very end of the summer, I decided to go visit Sandy Pines Wildlife Centre again! There is always change going on there, so I wasn't too surprised about that. It was when I went over to see my favourite horse Felix, that my heart sank....

Swollen knees, visible age! I got up on his back, and the painful sound he made, caused me to slide right back off. I tried again, but got the same results. I had visited only four months before, and he had been fine! "No more riding you, I guess, buddy!" I whispered, burring my face in his mane. He kept nuzzling my pocket looking for an apple, I'm sure he doesn't mind that he can't be ridden anymore! How much longer do I have with him though?! I'm sure he has several more years, but the change has set in really fast, so who knows how many more times I will get to see him! When I imagine him gone....its hard! I have never felt so connected to a horse before! 

last year with Felix!

 Sometimes, when things become hard to bear in the adult sense, then perhaps it better to bear them the way children do. I was helping to run the horse summer camp at the farm this past week. As I was watching the children walk their show course, two of my twelve year old helpers were chatting next to me.

"Patches died," the one said, her eyes watery. "It happened so fast, I miss her!"

"Did you know Patches died?" the other one asked me.

I nodded, trying to act like it wasn't bothering me that much. "Yeah, I was one of the first staff members at the scene."

" So you saw her die?!" 

"Yeah," I stuttered, kicking away at the riding ring dust. I didn't really want to remember that day!

"Did she turn into a unicorn?"

"What?" I whispered, thrown off by the question.

"A unicorn?" She repeated, "my mom says that when horses die, they stand up, and run off into the wind as unicorns!"

They both looked at me with such hopefully, longing eyes. I felt that my answer was going to greatly effect them, but I wasn't sure how to answer! I don't usually like to lie to children, but perhaps if you imagine something to be true, its not exactly a lie! 

"She did turn into a unicorn," I smiled, imagining Patches with a long, pink horn. Seeing her run across the wind in the pasture, to whatever lies ahead. "She was very happy to be a unicorn!"

So, maybe when Felix dies he will turn into some handsome unicorn, and Boo will turn into a magnificent wolf, and they will forever be with me, haunting me in my dreams.

Very blurry selfie with my Mom at the university!

Despite some of the sad changes this summer, there have been good changes too! Mom has started university, and I went to visit her there. It was so weird, I felt like I was sending my Mom off into the world! I am so proud of her though! And I think she will have a great time!

 As for myself, summer is over! I had to say goodbye to everyone at the farm. I will be going back on Saturdays, so I can ride my new, and wild stead, Denver. Perhaps I will form the same sort of bond with him that I formed with Felix!

Riding with a friend on Denver!

  I shared my room with a young girl for a month while I was at the farm! As a goodbye, she painted my name on a horse shoe. She was like a sister to me, and I will never forget her!

Now, I am back in the city!

  I saw the  boys last night, and they have grown so much! I am excited to go back into being a part of their lives! I am also super excited to go back to four days of jiu jitsu instead of two!

Got my first stripe!

 It is literally one of the only reason I enjoy living in this city! I almost don't want to leave because of it....

but then Africa....

Africa kind of beats everything!

I'm really sorry I hardly blogged at all this summer! I was just so busy, and I had very limited Internet. I will try harder this month to keep on top of it! Hope all of you have a good start to your fall, and for those of you going back to school....

 Good luck!!