Sunday 30 April 2023

Our Big Move


In November, we moved off the farm in Campbell River. Aiden's Grandpa had sold it and bought a new farm in Courtenay on 124acres.

I've moved lots in my life but this move by far was the most challenging for me. There was so many moving pieces. We had to build a new home in six weeks, set up a new homestead, and figure out how to move and house our livestock with no infrastructure on the new farm. As exciting as a potential of the new farm was, the logistics and time frame were challenging. 

It was a messy move. There were lots of loses; I cried a lot while trying to hold it together for the kids. We had issues with heating, with water, solar, all in the middle of winter. We had some animals die due to the weather, predators, and a lack of proper infrastructure. It was really tough and being in my third trimester with a 12month old made it that much harder.

My favourite TV show ever is 1883, an origin story for the hit TV show Yellowstone. It follows the early Duttons as they cross America as pioneers on the Oregon trail. I remember the first time I watched it and thought, "why are people risking their lives just to save their belongings? Family and your own life are more important." That inner dialogue  I played over in my head during our move and every time we experienced a loss I reminded myself that in the moment we were surviving and all that mattered was our family. 

Now we are starting to feel more settled and that their is potential to thrive! There is so much potential here and the property is gorgeous. The mountains we live under are breathtaking. I love being able to walk out of our converted bus and be surrounded by so much nature and to have so much space to explore with our kids. 

I had this very strong feeling when I first looked out at the mountains in Courtenay when I moved here four years ago that Courtenay would be my home. Here we are and despite the crazy of the last few months, I feel so at peace and happy here. 

People ask a lot what are plans are. Setting up a homestead is a lot of work and although we are far more set up then we were initially we still have lots to do. We hope to be far better set up by next winter and then maybe  we can dream up what we want our future here to look like. 


Thursday 30 March 2023

Astrid's Birth Story


Introducing our newest addition to the family Astrid Revna❤️

Her due date was March 23rd and I started having very minor and inconsistent contractions after lunch. I didn't think I was going into labour because for the last week I had been having on and off contractions. However, after 5pm the intensity was beginning to change and they were growing more consistent.

Still, I felt like it was probably a tease so we invited my sister and her boyfriend over to celebrate my sister's birthday which was going to be the next day. During the party my contractions began to pick up but they were still only ten minutes apart. We decided to put the kids to bed at 10pm and my sister decided they would stay over night incase anything changed. By 12pm intensity picked up and contractions were every 5min. Since we live a little distance from the hospital I felt it was a good call to get going.

We get there and they check my dilation; Only 3cm. However, they weren't busy in the maternity ward and offered me a room incase things picked up. My step son went to Aiden's parents. Sequoia stayed with us and my sister and her boyfriend crashed in the room too. I took the maternity ward's offer to get a morphine shot so I could sleep through the contractions. From 2-4am I slept waking up only during the peak of contractions and then falling into a drugged sleep. By 4am I felt the baby's feet lower and the pain was not something I could sleep through. My sister Hannah drew me a bath and once in the water, holy! Things got so intense. I got out after about 5min and switched into the hospital gown. I rang in the nurse. 

"You haven't been here very long," she said, "let's wait a little bit and then we can check."

In my head I was like, "if you offered me an epidural right now I would take it!" I just nodded and started experiencing another contraction. I could not be quiet through it and she started helping me by rubbing my back. Shortly after there was another, she got me a ball. Then she coached me from behind as she started putting together a delivery table. The head nurse was in soon and asked if I was okay with her checking. She reached in and looked back at me shocked. "She is 10cm and almost crowning." Suddenly the room was alive with more people, nurses getting gloves on, a call to the doctor who I was told might not make it in time. I got properly admitted, blood taken, IV put in incase I bled out like I did with Sequoia. So much was going on! Somehow, Sequoia slept through it all.

It was March 24th 5:30am when Astrid entered the world. They placed her on me and what a relief it was too finally hold this beautiful baby we had all been anticipating. Sequoia woke up at just that moment to welcome her little sister into the world. Astrid was so quiet when she came out, barely a peep, but she was healthy and so strong! She was lifting her head while on my chest and taking in everything in the room with her big eyes. It was honestly a magical moment having my family around me and to birth a baby on my sister's 20th birthday with her there. 



My recovery has been so quick and smooth and the adjustment for the family seems to be going well. Sequoia is starting to show affection for Astrid and also becoming more social with other people. Her step brother shows Astrid off and showers her with affection. Aiden and I seem to grow closer and more bonded after each birth experience. Two under two is definitely busy, and the amount of diapers you go through is legendary! There is something so good about a newborn though; They are a blessing. It reminds me that we all were born good and we never lose that goodness we start out with even with all the baggage we might collect along the way.



Astrid has brought new light into our home. I'm so grateful God has chosen me as her mother and I'm excited to watch her grow and learn beside her. 



Thursday 23 February 2023

Empowering Pregnancy

36 weeks pregnant and it's starting to hit me that this pregnancy is almost over!

I struggled mentally and physically with my first pregnancy. The hormonal ups and downs, the physical changes, and anxiety about becoming a Mom and feeling too young and unprepared. 

It's common to feel like you lose yourself in pregnancy and motherhood. However, I don't believe that is the case. You are transforming and if you surrender to the experience you can come out of it stronger, more confident, and an unstoppable version of yourself. 

This pregnancy has been empowering! It has given me a new appreciation for my body. I've realized just how incredible us women are! We were made strong and powerful. We carry the weight of ourselves, our emotions, our strong feelings; We can carry the weight of a growing life within our wombs; We carry the weight of our family, of dreams, both our own dreams and those of our children. Since becoming a mother I have realized how truly creative I am, how fierce I can be, how strongly I love, and how I can overcome anything that I put my mind to. 

I'm enjoying feeling my little girl kick, I know I will miss it. I'm allowing myself to slow down and enjoy this special bond I have with her these last few weeks before we finally get to meet our second little princess❤️

If you are pregnant and struggling know this! You are a bad ass incubator! Your body is doing an incredible thing; Thank her for it. Look upon yourself with love and respect. Remember that tough moments are just that; Moments. There is always a sunny and perfect day somewhere in your future! 


Thursday 12 January 2023

Quarter of a Century!!


Today I'm 25!

It's a lot to process. I feel as if I'm entering a new era of being. I wouldn't say I feel old, most of my friends are in there thirty to forties and I don't consider them old. However, it feels different.....I suppose like a milestone. 

This year on my blog post I'm going to focus on the moments I feel have really shaped my character in the last 25 years. Looking back I am so grateful for the life I have had; I can't believe how blessed I have been. 

I was born in B.C the lower mainland and lived there till I was around nine years old. Some of my favourite memories in B.C were living in Sunshine Valley up in the mountains near Hope. It was also fun visiting extended family on both sides. 

When we moved to Ontario my life and pace of life changed pretty drastically. We moved a lot and there wasn't a whole lot of time to feel established anywhere. I do remember how much I loved living near so many lakes and all the fishing and swimming us kids would do in the summer. Winter was spent sledding and building snow forts. I got some of my first pets and developed a love for horses and animal care.

When I was thirteen I went to school for the first time. I was terrified and it took awhile to learn how to socialize and function within a school setting. However, even when I had the choice to go back to homeschooling I chose to stay in school. I realized that it was the only way I was going to be able to do sports due to family finances and sports was one of the few activities that made me feel so alive, strong, and confident. No matter what was going on in life I could escape it or channel the emotions into whatever physical activity I was in at the time. Sports gained me respect with my peers and school was honestly one of the places I felt I had the most stability. We moved a lot but it was always close enough to where I went to school. I appreciate both my homeschool and school experience. Homeschooling when I was younger allowed me to explore my own interests and become my own person with very little peer pressure to be a certain way. School provided opportunities that I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise. Plus, it was really nice to have teachers to reach out to as well.

At 17 I went to Germany with my close friend and we worked on a horse farm there. I learned so much about horses and got to experience a new culture. 

Several days after high school graduation I began a five month internship at Sandy Pines Wildlife Centre. It was such a great way to enter the animal care world. I got to learn from hands on experience and learned how to work with high efficiency. The other interns were such a great peer group to enter the adult world with. 

After Sandy Pines, I had the goal to travel to Africa so I got a job for a year as a live in nanny in Toronto to cover the costs. This was my first time living in the city and although it was enjoyable, it helped me realize that the country is where my heart is at. 

Africa was the trip of a life time! It completely changed my perspective on so many things and challenged me to grow as a person. I made friends that I'm still very close with and having done it alone, I came home a much more confident individual and was far less afraid to try new things.

The fall of 2018 I went to college for Vet assistance at Durham college. School wasn't super challenging because I had learned most of the course material from working with animals previously. However, it offered me the opportunity to do a work placement at the Toronto Zoo which would have been hard to get into otherwise. Zoo Keeping at the Toronto Zoo was such a positive and incredible experience getting to work with animals I would have otherwise not been able to such as camels and tigers. 

Between being a Nanny and school I worked on and off at Absolute Equestrian which for me became like a home more then a job. I learned so much about horses, working hard, and I miss this barn family very much. 

After graduating from college I made the very impulsive decision to go tree planting. I was ready for another adventure, I needed money pretty badly, and I didn't feel ready to enter a career. To this day, tree planting I consider the best decision of my life. I had never done anything in my life that felt so true to who I was as a person. The intensity and repetitive nature of the job stripped me of all ego and forced me to confront my past in uncomfortable ways. The best way I could describe this would be like going on a vision quest. Spending that much time in raw nature and working with some of the most incredible people I have ever met was what I needed at that time in my life and it freed me.

And tree planting brought me back to the west coast. When I set foot in Courtenay Vancouver Island after my first season, I felt for the first time ever that I was home. I had wandered and finally found that place I wanted to call home.

After my second season I met Aiden and it was a similar feeling after that first kiss to the one I had when I set foot in Courtenay. I submitted  to that gut feeling and we started a life together. The life we have lived has been crazy, raw, beautiful, and wonderful. Through it all we have leaned on each other and I am incredibly blessed to have him. I have never felt so secure with someone, never trusted someone so fully with my vulnerabilities as I have Aiden. We share such a deep intimacy and even after two years of living together and having multiple children, I still want to spend all day every day with him. 


That's where I am at 25! Under the mountains in Courtenay living in a bus we converted, homesteading with the love of my life, my step son, our daughter, and in my third trimester of another pregnancy. I'm literally crying tears of joy. Life has been hard but it's been so beautiful and I couldn't be happier with where I am today.



Saturday 31 December 2022

2022 at a Glance



2022 was a whirlwind of a year! To reflect on it, I summarized the events of each month and chose a word to best describe that month or how it impacted me. 


January: Adjustments:

My body and mind were recovering from giving birth. We adjusted to living in our new cabin and to having a newborn. My sister Hannah moved in with us. 

February: Choices:

The Freedom Convoy, a historic event within Canada, bonded us with friends and created some divides within family.

March: Progress:

 I was a little too eager to start our garden. I reached out and made some Mom friends; My business thrived this month.

April: Loss:

A depressing amount of rain drowned my seedlings. Our family dog Athena killed herself jumping out a window. My sister moved out.

May: Youth: 

Started to feel more like my pre-pregnancy self physically and mentally. Weather was still too wet to garden but I was doing very well with my rabbit business. 


June: Calm:

Not a whole lot happened outside of the daily grind of farm chores and gardening. Watching Sequoia grow and develop was a beautiful thing. 

July:Anxiety:

Take a pregnancy test and it's positive. My immediate family comes to visit us on the Island. 

August: Anticipation:

Farm is potentially selling. Grandpa puts an offer on 124acre farm and it's accepted. We start working on a bus build to be our new home if the farm sells.

 

September: Waiting:

Waiting for Grandpa's farm to sell. Not wanting to start any new projects till we know if we are moving or not.

October: Excitement:

Farm sells! We start putting all our effort and money into finishing our bus build.

November: Insanity:

Finish bus build, move onto new farm. We are all sick with various illnesses all month.

December: Tired:

So much snow so moving the rest of the farm is halted. We sadly lose some animals due to cold and the stress caused by moving. My pregnancy hormones skyrocket. Christmas goes well though and was a much needed rest from all the chaos. The snow begins to melt and we once again continue moving.

That's where this year ends; The hustle of moving, entering into the third trimester of pregnancy, and building up our new homestead. 

Despite all the crazy, if I were to describe this year in one word, it would be Therapeutic. Motherhood has put a lot of things into perspective for me particularly in the areas of faith and religion in my life. I had been struggling with my beliefs and what I had been taught about God from a young age. With a child of my own it has given me much needed clarity. I've come to the conclusion that I benefited a lot from faith and belief in God but that certain religious beliefs were harmful for my mental and physical health and I'm not raising my daughter under them. Making these sort of decisions finally has given me a new sense of freedom and peace. Although deconstructing faith and purity culture isn't easy, it is enlightening and I find I live in a lot less fear. 

As far a goals for 2023, I think we have our work cut out for us. Setting up our new homestead is going to be a full year project and we are expecting a new family member in the spring. I would like to continue working on improving my crocheting skills though and work on more fibre projects! There is a lot of potential and prospects for our little family in 2023 and I'm excited to see how the new year plays out! 

Wishing you all a Happy New Years! Excited to see where life takes you and what God has planned for you in this new year!